"Rider Stereotypes...for a laugh!"

Rider Stereotypes...for a laugh

If you know, or have known, or are yourself any of these...you will share a laugh.

I actually 'laughed out loud', numerous times!

Thank you Gari for sharing this with us.

Best, Clare

THE BACKYARD RIDER: 

 Usually found wearing shorts and a sports bra in the summer; flannel  nightgown, muck boots, and down jacket in the winter. Drives a Ford 150  filled with saddle blankets and dog hair. Most have deformed toes from  being stepped on while wearing flip-flops. Has a two-horse bumper-pull  trailer, but uses it for hay storage, as her horse hasn't been off the  farm in 6 years. Can install an electric fence, set a gate, and roll a  round bale, solo. Rode well and often when she used to board her horse, 5  years ago. Took horse home to "save money" and has spent about 50 grand on  acreage, barn, fence, tractor, etc. Has two topics of conversation - 1)  How it's too hot/cold/wet/ dry to ride. And 2) how she may ride after she  fixes the fence/digs drainage ditches/stacks 4 tons of hay. 

 THE NATURAL HORSEMANSHIP DEVOTEE: 

 Looks like a throwback from a Texas ranch, despite the fact that he lives  in the suburbs of New Jersey. Rope coiled loosely in hand in case he needs  to herd any of those kids on roller-blades away from his F-350 dually in  the Wal-Mart parking lot. Cowboy hat strategically placed, and just dirty  enough to look cool. Levi's are well worn. "Lightning" is, of course, this  natural horsemanship guy's horse. Rescued from a bad home where he was  never imprinted or broke in the natural horsemanship way, he specialized  in running down his owners at feeding time, knocking children off his back  on low-hanging branches, and baring his teeth. The hospitalization tally  for his previous handlers was 12, until he was sent to Round Pen Randy;  after ten minutes in said pen, he is now a totally broke horse, bowing to  the crowd, and can put on his own splint boots (With R.P. Randy's  trademark logo embossed on them) R.P.R. says, of 

 all this, "Well, shucks ma'am, tweren't nuthin'! It's simple horsemanship. With this special twirly flickitatin' rope ($47.95 plus  tax), you'll be round-pennin' like me in no time!" 

 THE ENDURANCE RIDER: 

 Wears Lycra tights in wild neon colors. The shinier the better, so the  EMTs can find her body when her horse dumps her down a ravine. Wears hiking shoes of some sort, and T-shirts she got for paying $75 to complete  another torturous ride. Her horse, Al Kamar Shazam, used to be called "you  bastard" until he found an owner almost as hyper as he is. Shazam can  spook at a blowing leaf, spin 360 degrees, and not lose his big trot rhythm or  give an inch to the horse behind him. Has learned to eat, drink, pee, and drop to his resting pulse rate on command. He has compiled 3,450 AERC  miles; his rider compiled 3,445 (the missing five miles are the ones when  he raced down the trail without his rider after performing his trademark  360).. Over-heard frequently: "Anyone have Advil?" "Anyone got some food? I  think last year's Twinkies went bad." "For this pain I spend money?"  "Shazam, you bastard-it's just a leaf" [thud]! 

 THE HUNTER RIDER: 

 Is slightly anorexic and trying her best to achieve the conformation of a  17-year-old male in case she ever has a clinic with George Morris. Field  marks include greeny-beige breeches and a baseball cap when schooling or  mud-colored coat and hardhat with dangling chinstrap when competing. Forks  over about a grand a month to trainer for the privilege of letting him/her  "tune" up the horse, which consists of drilling the beast until it's going  to put in five strides on a 60 foot line no matter WHAT she does. Sold the Thoroughbred (and a collection of lunging equipment, chambons, side reins)  and bought a Warmblood. (Bought a ladder and a LONG set of spurs.) Talks a  lot about the horse's success in Florida without exactly letting on that  she herself has never been south of the Pennsylvania line. 

 THE DRESSAGE QUEEN: 

 Has her hair in an elegant ponytail and is wearing a visor and gold earrings sporting a breed logo. A $100 dollar custom jumper (also with  breed logo) is worn over $300 dollar full-seat white breeches and custom  Koenig boots. Her horse, "Leistergeidelsprundheim" ("Fleistergeidel" for short) > is a 17.3-hand warmblood who was bred to be a Grand Prix horse. The  Germans are still laughing hysterically, as he was bred to be a Grand Prix  JUMPER, but since he couldn't get out of his own way, they sold him to an American. His rider fell in love with his lofty gaits, proud carriage, and  tremendous athleticism, which she admires mostly while lunging. She lunges him a  lot, because she is not actually too keen to get up there and try to SIT  that trot. When she rides, it's not for long, because (while he looks FINE  to everyone else), she can tell that he is not as "through" and "supple"  as he should be, and gets off to call the chiropractor/ massage therapist/psychic, all of which is expensive, but  he WILL be shown, and shown right after he perfects (fill in the blank).  The blank changes often enough that the rider can avoid the stress of  being beaten at Training 1 by a Quarter Horse. 

 THE EVENTER: 

 Is bent over from carrying three saddles, three bridles, three bits, and  three unrelated sets of clothing (four, if she is going to have to do a  trot up at a 3-Day). The hunched defensive posture is reinforced by the  anticipation of "a long one" a ditch and a wall, and from living in her  back protector. Perpetually broke because she pays THREE coaches ( a  Dressage Queen, a jumper rider, and her eventing guru, none of whom  approve of the other) and pays trailers/stabling/ living expenses to go  600 miles to events that are spread out over 5 days. She is smugly convinced that Eventers are in fact the only people in the world who CAN  ride (since Dressage Queen's don't jump, the H/J crowd is too afraid to go  OUT of a ring, and the fox hunters - a related breed - don't have to deal  with dressage judges). Hat cover on cross-country helmet is secured with a  giant rubber band, so she can look like her idol, Phillip. 

 Her horse, (who has previously been rejected as a race horse, a  steeplechase horse -- got ruled off for jumping into the infield tailgating the crowd -- a jumper, a fox hunter, and a polo pony (no bit  stops this thing) has two speeds: gallop and "no gallop" (also known as  stop 'n' dump). Excels at  jumping into water, doing a head first  "tuck and roll" maneuver and her horse exiting the complex (catch me if  you can!) before his rider slogs out of the pond. Often stops to lick the  Crisco off his legs before continuing gaily on to the merciless oxer jump  just ahead. Owner often threatens to sell, but as he has flunked out of  every other English-riding discipline, it will have to be to a barrel  racer. 

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